Is anger getting the best of you? Who hasn’t struggled with their upset feelings or behavior reactions? But…did you know that anger can result in dire consequences impacting our health, relationships, and life?
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” ~ Mark Twain.
So, you might be asking, what is anger anyway. Let’s explore…
Anger is a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. It’s an emotional response to a threat, to one’s needs, a challenge or frustration. It’s characterized by upset towards someone or something we feel has deliberately done us wrong. Many things can trigger anger, including stress, family problems, and financial issues.
Fear and the pain that fear causes, is the root of anger and obviously, so is the ego. Know that where there’s pain and fear, the ego is lurking. Thus, we experience powerlessness and the lack of efficacy to change it. This is our signal to be highly alert and not let the ego take us over. Remember, although it seems hopeless, we’re the one with the power…not the ego.
It’s common for us to react to normal life situations. Instead of knowing life situations are naturally neutral and they regularly come and go, too often we see things in dual and by habit. We listen to the ego judge it as right & wrong. And, when we believe the ego, it creates more havoc.
When we were young, we often repressed our challenges because we didn’t know how to handle them at the time…and, as adults we often find ourselves wondering why we’re so angry.
More often than not, the fear & anger we experience also includes one or more of the following: anxiety, worry, sadness, loss, disappointment, discouragement, etc. Again, when we believe our thoughts about the past or future, they become a distraction and disturbance. We get pulled in.
Research tells us that anger negatively effects our physical well-being as well. It leads to related problems such as stress, heart disease, insomnia, digestion problems and more. Anger also contributes to violence, risky behavior, including drug and alcohol abuse. Unfortunately, this is how we try to escape from the pain that’s causing our anger. Yet, it’s short-term relief that leads to more pain.
Regardless of whether the anger is justified or not, it still remains unhealthy because it carries the weight of negativity and fear. Its results are similar to guilt. So, whether it’s reasonable or not, it’s not healthy for the body and may become irrational if left unchecked. Know that anger can lead to more serious consequences and even stronger emotions such as fury, rage, and wrath if not addressed. (also see blog – true & false guilt… link: https://breakingfreeboundaries.com/struggle-false-guilt/ )
Even when we observe our anger and recognize what the ego is up to, our body is often in the habit of identifying and reacting in a “fight or flight” mode. The body believes the mind that we’re in danger. So, the body naturally prepares for conflict or threat. It’s much like the behavior we notice in our pets. When a dog is afraid, it lashes out in anger to defend itself.
Instead…what if we focused on resolving the cause of our pain so we could be free from anger forever?
Remember, anger only has the power we give it. When we react…we are fueling the ego with more authority and power to take over our life. Furthermore, it’s like a power outage to us because it reduces our IQ intelligence in the moment and drains our energy at the same time.
As we’ve discussed, this behavior leaves us weak in many ways. So, don’t expect to control the ego. Instead, control yourself and your interest in the ego’s distractions by being aware in the present moment…and drawing your attention back to here and now. When we learn to change the person, all problems go away.
Restore yourself by letting this negative energy float by like a cloud in the sky…or water off a duck’s back. Be assured that thoughts and beliefs always come and go. That is, they will come and go until we learn to quiet them by not minding them.
We can decide to not like something or someone and still let it go, by not taking it personally nor letting it affect our well-being. Next time, when you notice the anger, try to clarify what your deep desire is and what you’re afraid will happen. In this way, you can choose to not be interested or tempted to “buy” what the ego is selling…thus, be free. Yes, we can decide to live life undisturbed using good inner boundaries with the ego. So, stop inviting the ego inside. Don’t buy what it’s selling. It’s a trick.
Now let’s take a look at ways to recognize the warning signs and apply them to break free. This is how we can overcome anger and the pain that causes it for good.
Steps to Overcome Anger…
- Be Intentional.
- Watch for the warning signs.
- When the anger reveals itself, clarify the desire & fear.
- Get mad at the ego instead & take back your authority to stop feeding it, by saying no to the ego.
- Accept that things are working out in your favor regardless of what the ego mind is saying.
- Agree to make the commitment necessary for growth and change.
- Choose to go down a new road.
- Use the HALT acronym to inquire when you’re challenged: (Ask yourself – Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired)
- Notice your normal behavior (5Rs1)
- Apply new behavior (5Rs2) – see last month’s blog link for 5Rs1&2: https://breakingfreeboundaries.com/are-your-cravings-becoming-addictive/
- Observe what the ego is saying & ask which committee member is showing up and why. See Chapter 7 in my book “Breaking Free from the Ego: A Course in Finding and Freeing Yourself” for more information on the ego committee members.
- Click here for Book Trailer Video: https://youtu.be/iCj2IHt6WrE
- Amazon Link: Amazon: https://amzn.to/3mC7vO9
I hope you’ve enjoyed this blog. Please share it with someone else. It may be exactly what they need to hear to be free too. Come back for next month’s blog and…
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About the Author – Trina Carroll-Houk is a spiritual teacher, counselor, and founder of Breaking Free Boundaries, LLC who specializes in self-awareness, mindfulness, and the spiritual dimension of being. Her goal is to help people improve their quality of life so they can experience inner peace, meaningful purpose, and fulfillment. Trina represents a movement focused on helping people release what limits them from transforming into awakened beings with a higher sense of spiritual consciousness.
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“Breaking Free from the Ego: A Course in Finding and Freeing Yourself”
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