Not good enough yet??? Do you ever feel like you’re just not good enough or that you’re split in half and need something else to be whole?
Well, I have and it’s taken years to reclaim the wholeness in being good enough that was once mine. Not knowing who I truly was had created a painful and vulnerable way of life. Realizing and then being willing to live my true identity was what it took to know me, the cause of my pain, and also how to heal me.
Looking back, I can clearly see that self-awareness was absolutely essential in my process of recovering the “real me”, so I could live a peaceful, fulfilling & meaningful life.
It was hard to believe how little I really knew about myself or how not knowing myself was getting in the way of the life I was desperately seeking. I recognized that, no matter how much I tried or how many achievements, goals, or accolades I received, it was never going to be good enough. I seemed to go from one high of success to needing another one. When would it ever end so I could finally enjoy life, knowing I was good enough? As my search went on, I came to realize that happiness was a choice and I needed to make that choice for me. I know now that living in the false ego self never brings fulfillment. Happiness isn’t about rules, life situations or things in the future that need to be in place for me to be happy. It really is a choice that comes from inside me, not outside. It turns out that accepting myself just as I am, the real me, was also a choice and it took a lot of personal growth to get there.
I had to take charge of me in order to quiet my mind long enough to get to know or even be able to recognize my true self.
Once I did, I was available for the real recovery I needed…the complete recovery of my true, authentic self. I learned that the most important thing I could do was to be very clear on exactly “who I really was”. In that way, I could gradually take back the authority over my life so I could learn to protect myself from any more unnecessary pain & suffering. Yes, I could build personal authority into the parts of myself that were supposed to be serving me and not allow them to run or ruin my life anymore. I knew I needed to get to know…all parts of me. That would then put me in a position to have the authority over the parts that were resources and not be identified with them or let them imprison me anymore. During my search, I learned that, for most of my life, I had been attached to and identified with my God given resources (mental, emotional, physical areas). I had become them in such a way that I didn’t know where they stopped and I started. I lived through them and defended them…in a mighty way. I realized in this process of healing, that it was my job to fix me…to fill up my cup in a way that nothing or no one else could. I learned to accept the fact that no one was going to come and rescue me or give me the answers I was so desperately seeking. It was up to me, and me only to satisfy the emptiness, the lacking or what was just not good enough in my life.
It was clear, my resources were in charge of me and I was serving them rather than them serving me.
The pain this caused and what I had been experiencing my entire life was coming from the lack of personal authority over my own life. Yes, my resources had taken over. It wasn’t someone else that was the problem like I had always believed. It was me. I needed to reverse that order of authority in my life, so I could live a healthy, meaningful life that was aligned inside and out. I was seeking a life without all the pain & suffering. I came to know that once I was separate from my resources and their charge over me, I could learn how to use them as the wonderful tools they were meant to be. At the same time, I could be living in a peaceful, authentic place of being. I had experienced enough pain and wanted an end to the suffering once and for all. I wanted to be free to live my best life.
So, what about you? Do you ever identify with your thoughts, feelings or behavior? Could they be holding you back from your best life?
Next time you feel vulnerable or just not good enough, ask yourself if that feeling or thought is serving you and your best interest. If not, take charge to change its authority over your life. First witness the negative thought and how it affects your feelings as well as your behavior. As you observe the thoughts coming & going, try to allow them to pass without any resistance. Try not to follow the thought or add to the thought with a stream of other thoughts that often follow. Know that you are safe and not under threat. Often, these intruding thoughts come at inappropriate times. Have you ever awakened in the middle of the night to an intruding thought of rejection, worry, fright, or dread? It’s shocking, right? There you are, safe in your bed and here comes trouble. You know you’re safe, yet the thoughts try to convince you that there’s a reason to be worried, frightened, or panicky. Just know they’re just words or ideas from the past or future created by your false ego self. The truth is, the problems they want to create aren’t going on right now. You’re sleeping in a nice comfortable bed. You have a choice to go along & follow this stream of thinking or step out of it. You can move from this disturbing place of thought to the present moment of peace and security that’s waiting for you. Life’s not supposed to be troubling. As for me, once I knew I had a choice, I wasn’t willing to be a victim anymore. That’s why I learned how to manage my thoughts and so can you.
Remember, when the troubling thought comes, it’s just a thought…it’s not really happening. Don’t take it too seriously.
Nearly all our thoughts are random, repetitive, and not helpful. So, when you recognize them, don’t go along. Take 3 conscious breaths to move away from the triggering thought. Conscious breathing can provide an opening for the thought to pass and allow the gap between thoughts to widen. This gap will give you a glimpse of the inner peace you’ve been seeking all along. The goal is to slow down or quiet your mind so you’re in authority instead of your thoughts. As you widen the gap between thoughts, you will experience greater inner peace. Keep practicing awareness of your thoughts, the patterns they create and especially the ones that aren’t serving you. Be patient with yourself. Remember, it took years of conditioning for your mind to learn to be in charge, so surrender to the process of healing and the inner work it will take to break free. For more information, click the link to check out more blogs and be sure to read my next blog.
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About the Author – Trina Carroll-Houk is a spiritual teacher, counselor, and founder of Breaking Free Boundaries, LLC who specializes in self-awareness, mindfulness, and the spiritual dimension of being. Her goal is to help people improve their quality of life so they can experience inner peace, meaningful purpose, and fulfillment. Trina represents a movement focused on helping people release what limits them from transforming into awakened beings with a higher sense of spiritual consciousness.
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