Do you seek love outside yourself or inside?
1 Feb

Do you seek love outside yourself or inside?

In February, there’s often a focus on love, so I thought I’d share with you what I find interesting on the subject.

Over the years of posting on social media, I’ve noticed that the one topic I post that never gets “likes” is about loving ourselves. Unfortunately, we’re so afraid of being seen as a narcissist or becoming one, we refuse to truly love what has been created in us. Most people don’t allow themselves to “go there” because the ego uses fear of this false belief to hold us back from being free and living in inner peace. Instead, we seek love outside ourselves. What about you? Does this sound familiar?

We all want love and belonging.

Yet…have you ever noticed how we seek love and happiness in relationships only to become unhappy? Even when we get what we want out of a relationship, the relationship breaks down because we’re looking for the answers outside ourselves rather than inside. Yes, we’re looking in the wrong place.

When we depend on others for our emotional well-being, it’s not love at all.

Unfortunately, this type of relationship doesn’t last. It’s transactional in nature, where we take from others to be okay ourselves. Rather than living in inner peace, we’ve learned to live in a state of constant dysfunction by trading for what’s our responsibility in the first place.

Do you depend on something or someone outside yourself for your happiness or well-being?

We’ve all been there at one time or another. We end up depending on someone else to love us and hope it will be enough. Yet, it’s not enough because it’s not someone else’s job to “make” us feel loved, worthy, whole, or valued. That’s our job. And as we’ve already learned, any solution from the outside can’t replace the healing needed on the inside.

Too often, we endure a life of problems and suffering every day, yet we don’t have to live this way.

When we do our inner work, we recognize we’re already full and we don’t need anything to be fulfilled. As a result, we give out of abundance rather than seeking to take. In this place we partner with someone because we want to be with them and not because we want something from them…in order to fix ourselves. Certainly, we can allow others to influence us, but it can’t replace nor restore what’s needed deep down inside.

This inner work reconnects us to what matters the most…despite what the ego says, in our thoughts, i.e., the dreaded voice of fear and doubt.

That’s when we finally know the truth. The truth is…not loving ourselves, holds us back from the life intended for us and we’ll never be free. As a result, we don’t learn to take responsibility for our own well-being.

The best advice I can give anyone who wants inner peace and joy is to learn to love themselves. This is the only way we can regain the self-love and acceptance we were naturally born with long ago.

When we learn to love and appreciate what has been created in us and through us, our love expands into a deep unconditional love for all. That’s how we “love our neighbor as ourself”…because we’ve learned to love ourselves first. In this place, we’re not separate anymore, because we live in a place where we dwell in spiritual oneness. This is our natural state of being.

Let’s be clear…emotional dependency on others destroys lives. It’s a dis-ease.

This is how the ego runs and ruins our lives. In this place, there is no peace. The ego uses our mind to create our pain and suffering. Remember, our inner state is our responsibility. 

“Healing always involves facing truths we’d rather not face and accepting responsibility we’d rather not accept.” –

                     Dr. David Hawkins Ph.D.

Yes, it’s our job to be in charge of our life because when we’re not, we pay a high price.

True healing starts with a desire and commitment to recognize the ego in our lives and the willingness to make real behavior changes necessary to heal. It takes stepping out from what we’ve always done and risking doing something different. Did you know perfect love casts out fear? So, what are you doing today to change your life?

As you continue your journey of self-discovery, consider reading my earlier blog on love: and reading Chapter 11 (Loving Yourself) in my book to learn how to love yourself unconditionally (Breaking Free from the Ego: A Course in Finding and Freeing Yourself).

By the way…Thank you for your willingness to do your inner work. For 3 days only (February 3rd, 4th, 5th , 2022) my book will be available as a promotion for a FREE download as an eBook on your electronic device such as a: smartphone, desktop, or iPad. Here’s my eBook link on Amazon: If you need a free app for the download to read it on any smartphone, desktop, or iPad device, you can access it here:

It is my greatest desire that you too will discover how to live in inner peace, as well as break free from the pain and suffering that holds you back from reclaiming the abundant life that’s waiting for you now. Together, let’s forge ahead to make the changes we want to see in us and the world.   It begins now…

Consider exploring the following opportunities for further growth and clarity by reflecting on the statements and answering the questions below. 


  • Don’t make other people responsible for your well-being. It makes you easy prey.
  • Beliefs are just beliefs, not the truth.
  • We all have false and limiting beliefs we need to change for our own well-being.
  • Don’t let others determine your emotional well-being.
  • Don’t let what people say affect your well-being.
  • The life situation we take personally, has no real meaning unless we give it meaning.

Taking Authority…

  1. Is someone or something else in control of your life? Who or what?
  2. Do you have trouble saying no, feel stuck, rejected, or stressed? Explain.
  3. Do you make others or things a priority over your well-being? How?
  4. Do you feel responsible for others? When?
  5. Do you feel afraid, worried, or unworthy? When and Why?
  6. Do you take on other people’s pain, purpose, or path? Give one example.
  7. Do others take advantage of you? If so, how? Could it be a trade? Clarify.
  8. Do you pay a price for love? If so, what is the cost?
  9. Have you taken ownership of your life? Explore.
  10. How might you start taking authority in your life today? What’s your first step?

I hope you’ve enjoyed this blog. Please share it with someone else. It may be exactly what they need to hear to be free too. Come back for next month’s blog and…

Be sure to check out the helpful links below for the author’s book, monthly newsletter, website, earlier blogs, and other opportunities. 

About the Author – Trina Carroll-Houk is a spiritual teacher, counselor, and founder of Breaking Free Boundaries, LLC who specializes in self-awareness, mindfulness, and the spiritual dimension of being. Her goal is to help people improve their quality of life so they can experience inner peace, meaningful purpose, and fulfillment. Trina represents a movement focused on helping people release what limits them from transforming into awakened beings with a higher sense of spiritual consciousness.

Checkout Trina’s book on most online retail sites such as Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or BookBaby Bookshop: “Breaking Free from the Ego: A Course in Finding and Freeing Yourself.”